Talking to a teenager about drugs

Why lecturing doesn't work

A teenager who senses a conversation is a lecture tunes out within ten seconds, even while nodding along. What tends to close things down the most is often exactly what comes from the best intentions: the list of dangers, the warning tone, the comparison to "when I was your age." The goal isn't to convince them you're right — it's that next time something worries them, they still count on you.

When and how to bring it up

Better a calm moment, with no urgency and nothing serious having just happened — never in the heat of an argument or right after finding something out. And better a conversation than an interrogation: ask before stating, listen before opining.

Questions that open, phrases that close

• Opens: "What do you know about this? What do people say among your friends?"
• Closes: "I know you're using, don't lie to me." (assumes, accuses, and shuts the conversation down before it starts)
• Opens: "If you ever try it, or already have, I'd rather you be able to tell me than have to hide it from me."

A teenager who feels they can tell you the truth without their world falling apart comes to you sooner when something goes wrong. That is, in practice, the best prevention there is.

If they've already tried something, this changes things (but not everything)

Trying something once isn't the same as having a problem. Reacting as if it were — with disproportionate punishment, extreme surveillance — tends to push toward hiding, not toward prevention. If you're worried it's more than a one-off, that's the signal to seek professional guidance, not to manage it alone at home with stricter rules.